Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
