38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize