After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone