so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover