Only a mothe r could love this liver
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......