Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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