It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.