I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet