My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.