did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
