Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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