He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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