i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you never un-have a 4some
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
