is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
