I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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