Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize