that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
