A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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