spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ladies don't puke and tell
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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