Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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