i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
