youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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