I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
