dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
