i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
