I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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