Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
