Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
