please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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