Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
