so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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