I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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