Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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