I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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