God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
