I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize