Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
