hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
