11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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