I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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