it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
