I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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