12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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