Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
