let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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