I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
