It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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