I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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