its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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