Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
