Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
