HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
