It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
