I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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