At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
