It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
