if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
