spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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