What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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