Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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