hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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