I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
