At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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