you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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