sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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