Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
