i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
