I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
