R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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