Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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